Monday, January 31, 2005

Update : Let the idiots come out of the woodwork.

So seriously here are some excerpts from Match.com emails:

Hi,How was Christmas?
I hope you enjoyed New Year's eve.
What do you do for a living?
What do you like to do on your days off?
Tell me more about yourself, send me a note... mailto:&^#$2@AOL
Talk to you soon.
JE

( My thoughts-- it says in my profile that I am a professional mind reader. So strike one for not paying attention. Dude-- it's january 31st wtf are you asking about x-mas for? Strike two for not having anything better to ask. Tell you more about me? You didn't even bother to read the first stuff. Moving on...)

Hi How r u doing... i liked ur profile, u seem like a cool person.. If u r interested we can chat some time.. I m originally from turkey.. but living in SD for a long time.. by profession I m digital designer, love to travel, and like trying new things.. Take care, Austin

( My thoughts -- u r interested looks a lot like urine if you are skimming. At least he knew I liked to travel and try new stuff. Too bad he doesn't know the proper use for an apostrophe. Next)

Some actual gems, absoluelty no sarcasm intended.

This gentleman , aside from being a fitness freak, seems pretty promising. I submit the following proof excerpted from a recent email.

"Anyhow, I thought about albums I like, caught a bit of High Fidelityon TV (John Cusack still makes my Top 5 hot guys list), and this iswhat I came up with:Flood (They Might be Giants)First off, this is a great band. Their sound perfectly matches theirfunny story lyrics. In fact, they might be the only band that Iactually listen to/remember/care about the lyrics. They just make melaugh! If I had to pick only one, this would be it.Blood Sugar Sex Magik (Red Hot Chili Peppers)This is the first album I remember hearing growing up and thinking"this will still be a great album in 20 years. I may have beenslightly bias (because at the time I played the guitar and I couldactually play a lot of the songs) but I still really like the sound otthat album.Rocky Soundtrack AlbumOther that "Coming to America", every song on that album was used in aRocky training montage. Even on a desert island, I still need to stayin shape. In my opinion, there is no better montage music to run tothan Rocky music. Seriously, if his training can bring downcommunism, it can get me in decent shape.Montage side note: if I were to have my own "work montage", I thinkit would involve Paul Oakenfold. If only every time I had to reallybear down and work hard for a few hours/days/weeks, it could be turnedinto a 2 minutes montage....The Cure and the Beatles: I decided to pick two bands for the lasttwo, since I couldn't decide which album was the best. I just likethe way I feel when I listen to them."

I responded by approving his taste in music and then asked him to elaborate about his top 5 guys. I mean that was really the question of the day.

Off to bed sleepyhead.
M.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Rock!

New Art 01-30-05 001
New Art 01-30-05 001,
originally uploaded by chelleannathome.
Here is a photo of my kickass new art hanging up in my living room. It makes me house glow with sexy female atmosphere-- I'm sure it's not me.

Ongoing Possibilities

OK so Match.com is going ok so far. I have a date on Wednesday with this gentleman. Look at all his pictures because his primaryy one makes him look like the angriest man out there.

In other news, while shopping for men who should appear but this guy, whom I work with. Supposedly we are 85% compatible which I find hilarious simply becasue he would never in a million years date me. I'm not sure in two million years I would date him. Although he is cute.

So I am ruling out the match.com matching system as a real way to find people. If they think me and that guy are compatible by 85% then they are missing a key component to dating.

I find that this internet dating thing at least dispels the boredom I was feeling with my life. Although hopefully the next batch of "spice" will come from actually being interested in someone rather that seeing them as a moments diversion.
Am I a bad person?
M.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

For those of you who want to keep track

Here is my Match.com profile. I'm putting it up so you can suggest changes to my text that might more accurately reflect my personality.

In other news, took the dogs to G-pa house to play with Charlie after our standard 4 mile walk. They got so dirty and wet that I am sure my car will forever smell like wet dog. FOREVER folks not just until tomorrow.

Much work on house and on being a mind reader this weekend. Please send your good vibes so I can get this listing on Countryside into escrow.

Thanks much.
M.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Will wonders never cease?

So before my new profile could have even been approved someone had already winked at me.

His profile can be found here.

What is weirder is that I had already saved him to my favorites before he winked at me. I wonder what my horoscope said this morning.

M.

Bring It On!

Ok against my better judgment I re-signed up for Match.com this morning. I updated my photos and changed my profile a little to reflect that I am looking for a serious relationship.

Betcha I don't hear much back.

I'll keep the universe posted on my possible dating activity.

M.

Friday, January 21, 2005

Blame

we want you
we want you,
originally uploaded by chelleannathome.
This is what my Grandpa looked like espousing his conspiracy theory.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Wherein I am taking responsibility

Sometime around 1997-1998 my ex boyfriend Neil Cardinal met the then POTUS and VeePOTUS in Lake Tahoe at an environmental conference. There is pictorial proof of this fact.

This event has taken mythological porportions in my family. My almost exclusively democratic family. I did not truly appreciate this fact until my 82 year old grandfather blamed me for something. Something I never did, the true ludicrousness of which I almost can't write about.

But here goes:

Neil met Al Gore and shook his hand. And Al Gore said something while gladhanding about the fact that he needed young talented men like Neil to work on his campaign in 2000. Hereafter all logic and truth leaves the building like Elvis looking for a fix.

In my grandfathers mind, AL Gore seriously offered Neil a job,( you know that is what you do while working a rope line) and I, while dating Neil pretty damn seriously, told Neil that I didn't date "college dropouts". So Neil, putting my own needs before his stupendous opportunity to work on a National Presidentail Campaign didn't follow up on the Gore gladhanding. For reference, Neil would never have put my needs or wants before his own, he only did that once we were broken up.

Anyway, so since Al Gore did not have the wonderfully amazing talents of Neil, he didn't have a great internet presence. ( even though he invented the internet) and so Al Gore lost.

You heard it here first folks, the democratic party lost in 2000 because I don't date college dropouts.

I tried to joke this off, at my birthday dinner a day late, and a day after not ONE single member of my family called me. But I find that I must leave it up to you interweb to judge. Am I truly to blame for the war in Iraq? Would Bush II be just a footnote in history had I lowered my standards and dated a dropout?

I mean really?

OMG-- I need to go to bed and sleep it off. I mean how many days does it take to really and truly come to terms that you are solely responsible for the downfall of western civilization?

I'll let you know. But first I need to put on my hair shirt and flaggelate myself.
No you can't watch you sick fucks.
M.

The Day After

My birthday was pretty damn good. I did all of the things I wanted to do. Pictures of the beach and sand castle making can be found above.

Not a single family member called me on my birthday. Fuckers. That is all I can say about that cause it's not going to bother me any more than it already has.

Back to work today and back to our regularly scheduled program.

M.


Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Go Shorty, It's Your Birthday

OK happy freakin birthday to me.

Today I am going to:
Have Brunch
Go Build Sand Castles at the Beach
Get a Facial, Relfexology Foot Treatment, and Scalp Treatment
Go Book Shopping and
Have Dinner With A Friend at a fabulous restuarant

Be jealous internet, be very very jealous.

M.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Ask and ye shall recieve

So since I complained that the sun was gone from my life-- like the "god moment" in lots of movies it has reappeared.

I'm back to work and life is back to normal-- it is amazing what a difference a little sunlight makes in my mood.

My birthday is on Wednesday. I'm going to be 28 and while that is not officially old it is older than I ever imagined myself being. In my imaginings I never really saw past 25. And in my dreams I would have been married with a house and possibly a kid by then.

HA! At almost 28 I would never have a kid right now. I'm grateful that my life is nothing like I imagined it to be.
M.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Ask and ye shall recieve

So i'm sitting typing this with the sun rising in my eyes.

That's RIGHT, the SUN!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry about the typos, the sun is in my eyes.

I'm so happy I have to dance around now.

M.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Like the blinking clock on a VCR

So last night the power got knocked out in my house. Subsequently, I just opened my eyes at 7:20 instead of opening them at 6:00am. I opened them to a completely gray and nasty morning that truly belongs to the people of Seattle.

I am a native San Diegan. I do not take that fact for granted. I am grateful for every January day that hovers around 70 degrees. I am ecstatic for every Christmas spent in shorts. I am SO OVER THE GODDAMN RAIN!

I am getting depressed, and my limited surfing skills don't allow me to tackle the larger surf, and there hasn't been any sun for days.

Now I know I'm lucky that I don't live in Alaska where there is almost eternal night this time of year, I am more than lucky I was not born in coastal South East Asia, I understand that if this is the worst thing I have to whine about my life is pretty damn good. And it is.

But I am getting depressed and I need some sunshine.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Mogget

Mogget
Mogget,
originally uploaded by chelleannathome.

Dream a Little Dream

So last night I dreamed that I was the coach of an olympic diving team for dogs. And I was unsurprisingy unsuccessful in getting my "team" to do anything but leap off the diving board.

Now that I am awake I realize that the possibility of getting a dog to leap off a diving board is extremely ridiculous since I can't even get them to stay upon command.

See above photo for reference of what they do when I call them without the sound of food packaging backing up my demand.

The main character from the Dark Tower Series was also there as my assistant coach.

My best friend says that when you dream everyone in your dream is you. This is the extent of her dream expertise. I still love her to death but I thought maybe the internet could offer me some better analysis?

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Eating Your Weight in Fried Rice

Yes, he starved himself all day-- just for the fried rice.

It was his birthday.

Bennihaha's

So the party last night was fun. Neil has finally met a great girl who is funny and intelligent and not CRAZY and of course she lives in LA and travels for like 3/4 of her job.

Poor boy.

On a lighter note he did get to eat his weight in fried rice at Bennihana's. We had the best chef who did jokes we hadn't seen and the chocolate mousse topped with strawberries was some of the best stuff I have ever tasted. And we laughed so hard last night, that this morning, the muscles in my cheeks hurt.

I think that it was his best birthday ever. So I'm hopeful mine will be too.




Friday, January 07, 2005

Happy Birthday To You

You know who you are.

Love you.

My Doctor says that I need to give up coffee and drink tea instead if I am going to make the healthy lifestyle goals I have.

If I am arrested for killing someone in my caffeine withdrawls I want this entry to be the first line of my criminal defense.

They should make a Law and Order about this. I don't know why I'm not a network executive. I have good ideas.

M.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

What makes a friend?

So I'm just wondering,
because if you can call a person who never returns your calls, or responds to your invitations, or makes any effort at relationship maintenance a friend, I guess I'm glad I only have a few "friends"

M.

The fact that you can see who looked at your evite invitations and never responded is evil and bad.

Day of Getting Shit Done

List of things to do today:
1. Mop Kitchen Floor
2. Do 3 loads of laundry
3. Make Bed-- damn resolutions anyway
4. Go to Gym-- done
5. Take idiot dogs to groomers-- done
6. Rearange Garage so you can store cousins crap while he is at college-- why did I volunteer my garage for this anyway?
7. Dust
8. Clean off all horizontal surfaces except in office which has a door I can close.
9. Write beginning of Year letter to go out with mailing.
10. Organize open house for Sunday-- crap there goes my weekend.
11. No, like the tv show, 10 is enough. Dammit-- that was eight is enough huh? well, then I'll skip 3 and 7.

M.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Personal Questions

So I was asked randomly yesterday what my New Years Resolutions were.

I found that to be a really personal question. I mean, what it appear to be saying is:
" What do you find in need of improvement about yourself?"

I recognize the ridiculousness of this line of thinking given that in my last entry I listed resolutions. But still, sharing with the interweb's random stranger who may or may not actually find this random little site is a lot less personal than telling my best friends sister the things I think are wrong with me.

In other news,
I am considering flying off to London at the end of February with a complete stranger. How much crazy do I posess? I like to take full ownership of my crazy. At least then I know it isn't coming from little green men because I took my tinfoil hat off.

This random male stranger replied to the fact that I was weighing personal safety vs adventure with an anecdote about traveling with a complete stranger before and having a great experience. I find this strangely comforting. If he had nefarious plans he would have talked about how trustworthy he was instead of telling me about how he had done it before and he had a great time. Of course he had a great time. From his physical description to me he is almost 200lbs and 6'5"; unless the girl he traveled to San Francisco with was a ninja he never really had to worry about his personal safety, or what she might do to him if they shared a hotel room.

And so just because he never thought of himself as a physical threat to me, or even considered that might be what I was talking about -- I am strangely comforted.

We are having dinner tomorrow night at a lame ass chain restuarant where there is nothing I will eat. I let him pick to make him comfortable not really thinking about the fact that I hate this lame ass chain restuarant until just now.

I won't name the restuarant because I don't want to get sued like Oprah did by the beef industry. Clearly I am thinking ahead to when my silly little ramblings are visited with as much frequecy as:
http://www.dooce.com
http://queserasera.org

Delusions of Granduer.
I don't think I spelled that right.





Sunday, January 02, 2005

New Year, New Attitude

So I've spent my life being anti-new years resolutions. I suppose part of this is that my birthday is in January and I tend to make "Birthday Wishes" instead of resolutions. That way if they don't happen I don't have to hold myself accountable.

Yet here I am on January 2nd, thinking about all the things I want to acomplish this year. The last year of my life was such a complete and utter time of upheaval and change that I spent November and December of 2004 feeling like I had emotional stretch marks.

So on my first post of this blog-- ever-- I guess I'll hold myself accountable to the interweb for the things I want for myself this year.

1. Finish the kitchen remodeling project I started last year-- I mean really how hard can it be to paint for chrissakes?

2. Make my bed most days.

3. See more shows. Plays, Music, Comedy etc. Why do I live in a city if I don't take advantage of it?

4. Achieve professional goals. (Set out between Maria and I.) I'm also making it a goal to not talk about work here too much. I really hope that leaves me with something to talk about.

5. Go on vacation for at least 2 weeks this year. See goal 4 for the money to be able to do this.

So -- my motto for this year is:

Don't let your world be small. It is actually a pretty damn big place.

M.