Sunday, February 20, 2005

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

So I wanted to say that my meltdown earlier in the week regarding that guy I'm seeing was more about me then anything.

It made me realize a few things:
1. I don't trust anybody, for a wide variety of good reasons; but still, how limiting is that?
2. If something isn't explicitly spelled out for me I tend not to see it. He communicates his emotions indirectly which is almost like he's speaking another language to me. He does actually like me, think I have valuable things to say, and wants to share his days with me.
3. Hormones are vicious things.
4. I want to make something work with this guy for the foreseeable next few months, which is about how far I'm looking ahead. I want it so much it terrifies me, and not in a good way like a roller coaster. In a way that makes me want to cut off all human contact so I never feel it again.
5. Right now, I'm going to abandon self protection mode and go naked in the rain so to speak. The only way to have meaninful relationships is to make yourself vulnerable. Sometimes it doesn't work but mainly it does.

If another freak out occurs. Please refer me back to my own words here. Unless of course that freak out is totally reasonable and justified.
M.

2 Comments:

Blogger neilderbeast said...

It's true.

Raincoats ruin relationships.

10:22 PM  
Blogger Chelle in San Diego said...

God you crack me up. I need to introduce you to my new friend Matt.

He's a funny geek as well.

6:56 AM  

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