Monday, March 21, 2005

When do you decide to cut your losses?

Have you ever noticed that life is complicated?

I have a guy, and I'm in. I could really make something with him. If he would open up. But he doesn't. It's a thing. Majorly a thing. His eyes tell me he is into me. His thoughtfulness and his touching base seem to imply that he thinks of me when I'm not around. But he is abrubt and unreadable and since I have to rely on his non verbal clues to figure out what is going on in his head, I am frequently assuming the worst. Now, I have a habit of assuming the worst and I'll own up to it. But still, how hard is it to say, " I like you a lot."???

And then there is another guy, don't know him beyond emails, and he strikes me as insincere. I hate insincere but his compliments and our instant "click" make me think maybe he could be a thing. If we both didn't have other people we were so into. So I tell the new guy go away, call me when your life is less complicated and maybe I'll pick up. But he doesn't, taking no for an answer is not his thing. I'm not into screwing up the good if messy thing I have for the insincerity of the compliments, even though I love that he can tell me what he thinks of me. Or at least what he thinks I want to hear.

How much thinking until my brain melts down? I'd speed the process along if only to have some quiet space in my head. There used to be quiet space when I wasn't dating. There was certainty and time for yoga and focus on work.

So when do I decide that there is too much going on and cut my losses? When do I get my equilibrium back? If the first guy could open up would that do it? That is my first choice.

If the second guy could prove to be sincere would that do it? Or then would I be forced to make a complicated decision?

There are no answers in this post-- just more questions. There is no quiet space here either.

M.

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