Thursday, May 26, 2005

Fragile -- This side up.

So coming back from Missouri has made me a little bit fragile. I think it is because Mom cried when I left -- just a little bit-- and I could see that she loved me even though she is crazy and how can you turn your back on a person that loves you even for a second? How do you let that go in order not to get hurt again and again, which is what you think will happen?

You don't. So I guess I have a relationship with my mother again. Even though she won't come and see me and the priorities in her life make me feel mainly like Ross and I are unimportant, I know she loves me, a little, and so here we go again. AGAIN.

I guess I can try to think of her a long distance friend and accept the fact that if I want my mom in my life I will have to do the work in order to get her to trust that I won't hurt her again. So she will put me first a little bit and show me that she loves me too.

Families, can't live with them, can't make 'em drink the cool aid.

I'm off to email my mom.

M.

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