Thursday, June 16, 2005

Have you ever had a moment in time where you realized that you were done with something?

I had such a moment while watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith with my good frined and drinking buddy STEVE!.

While Brad and Angie were frantically trying to work out their relationships and also kill eachother I realized that they made me think of Sailor Boy rather than Neil. The lens through which I viewed the movie was tinted with Dan. As such, I was hopeful for them as a couple and wishing they hadn't said such stupid things to eachother and really hoping they wouldn't die.

Had I been looking through the "Neil Lens" I would have been bitter and cynical and a little bit sad to see how something with so much potential had come to nothing. And I would have silently told myself that there is no limit to the damage that one human being can do to another.

Weird-- where did all that negativity go? When did I stop seeing my life in the context of my relationship with Neil? I have the moment when I realized that was true and I guess that is the next best thing, to know I am over it.

PLUS Angelina Jolie is so fucking hot I had to be physically restrained from running down the stairs and licking her image on the screen. Seriously.

M.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Waking Up Saturday Morning

Oh my god.
Seriously.
The worst thing about waking up hung over, is the feeling that you have no idea what happened last night. The worst feeling about waking up next to someone hung over, is that they want to now what the hell happened last night? -- Right Dan?

Yeah.

So yesterday I had a day that was incredibly boring and unproductive. In fact, I had a really crappy day where I realized:
  1. I wasn't going to make any money any time soon.
  2. that I actually needed to seriously take that fact seriously.
  3. that I needed to work every goodamn weekend.
  4. That there was no fun in my future.

No whining right about now. You do what you have to do. But no fun? That isn't really how I structured my life to be. And while I am stupid happy, because there is this werid , ahem, relationship thing right now, fun and laughs are two things, I require. Life is too short.

So to deal with this feeling I drank A LOT OF RUM AND COKES.

Can I tell you what a bad idea that was? Can I say I have no memory of going to bed last night, how I got there, what I said or did before I got there. And the great person on the other side of the bed assures me that I didn't do anything BAD:per se, but that he had no idea where that person came from.

FUCK.

And so now I can't go back to sleep imagining all the awful things I could have said, while my head pounds and my tongue feels like it needs a transplant.

Fuck.

And since I am not the next great american writer, I can't use this experience for my novel, or learn anything from it except not to drink rum and cokes when you have an exceptionally bad day and when you are nervous about meeting someones older brother who is unpredictable to say the least.

Well that is a lesson in itself. Fuck.

M.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

It's been a long time coming

I'm really happy.

So clearly I have nothing to write about.

When someone asks me how things are going?
I say "good." and smile and that is the end of the conversation.

Things I am really happy about, in no particular order:

1. I have no money. I wish I could say it was liberating but I'm thinking of selling a kidney. But work is good and I love my job. Things will look up.
2. Sailor Boy. I would gush but ummm, that would freak him out.
3. My house has been clean for awhile now.
4. Mom and I are still talking.
5. I have several kickass weekends coming up full of fun things and cool people. How can you beat know that is happening?
6. My brothers Ross and Kevin are super cool and I am lucky to have them in my life.
7. I have the most wonderful best friend ever in Maria, and we talk like 5 times a day. In fact, I have to go call her right now.

Life is not great actually but it doesn't seem to matter. I'm pretty damn happy and I'm finding that happiness is pretty damn boring to write about.

M.

M.