Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Christmas was good, I got stuff. Mainly it was nice to spend a day with my family where we didn't fight and no one got on my case about anything.

Highlights of my loot include:

Bright Red Toaster
Bobby Flay Grilling Cookbook

I'm glad christmas is done now. I just wish 2005 were also over. I'm ready for 2006. This part of the year always feels old. Like we have worn it out and it is tired. The skies are gray and people are mentally checked out. And then Bam! January 2nd rolls around and we are energized and excited and talking about new things and new projects and a whole new year is stretching out in front of us. I love that energy and I'm tired of this week.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Getting Away With It

So I rarely let my family get away with pushing my boundaries. In fact mainly I try hard to make sure they never come close enough to me to see my boundaries. Mainly because they hurt me so much.

I have a family that thinks the worst of everything I try to do, that never gives me the benefit of the doubt, and that acts like at any moment I will abscond with all their stuff and never call again.

I wish I had a family that actually knew me.

I always wanted to be John Cleese

You are the Minister of Silly Walks...Dare to be different!
You are the Minister of Silly Walks

What Monty Python Sketch Character are you?
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Monday, December 19, 2005

Winter Pays for Summer

OK, first things first, I LOVED New York City. Just the sheer amount of people watching made it infinitely interesting to me at all times. If I didn't have a life and a career and family here in San Diego I would pack up and move now. Right now.

So here's a blow by blow ( not literally) of my trip for interested parties.

First night-- Jetblue has some decent service and the TV thing almost makes the flight worth it. By the time Steve! and I ride the subway into the city it is 10:10. We stop a DaNico's for dinner which is just off Spring Street in Little Italy. They have stopped serving food, but the sweet italian guy keeps the kitchen open for 20 more minutes and feeds us. One bottle of wine, 5 cheese and pasta concoction, ( holy shit why don't they sell stuff like that at olive garden?) and dessert later and clearly it was time to head out to a neighborhood bar. So Steve! and I went to the Spring Street Bar where I think I met a cousin. His name was Dan McLaughlin and his family was from Syracuse. My grandfather's brothers all live in upstate New York. There were also 4 people who grew up in SD sitting at the bar becasue that is how small the world is. Steve! and I spent lots of time drinking a local beer ( Brooklyn Lager) and catching up. We caught the 2:30 ferry to Staten Island and I have no real memory of the ride except that is where Steve! taught me the meaning of "off like a prom dress." Ha! I crack up just writing that.

Day two. This is where I need to mention just how freaking cold it was while I was there. Day 2 was aproximately 16 degrees out, but then there was the wind. The wind made it really, like, NEGATIVE 3 DEGREES!!!!!
Anyway, we decided to head to Times Square and get in line for half price theater tickets. We had to stand in the shade where it was only slightly colder than the moon. The only thing they were selling tickets to that we had any interest in was Chicago staring Huey Lewis. Can I just say that Chicago was great but Huey Lewis doesn't have what it takes to be Billy Flynn. He really doesn't. He's just so, schlumpy. But the girls playing Roxie and Velma were absolutely amazing. So after buying tickets we walk in Friday's in Times Square to defrost and have some lunch. Which is where I got the shock of my life. I wanted soup and salad. The cost on the menu? wait for it...

So we bailed.

We cruised up to Rockefeller Center. It was cold and pretty. We saw the Sak's windows which were super cool. They had these modern snowmen dressed in tuxedos that looked kind of sinister. The tree and decorations were nice and we decided not to ice skate. We had some coffee and waiting for our show to start.

After Chicago we tried to find a decent place to eat that wasn't stupid expensive. We ended up in a bar called Kevin St. James in midtown. I do not like midtown. We decided we would skip midtown for the rest of the trip.

Day Three: We woke up late and headed into the city for a trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. All I cared about seeing was the Egypt exhibit. I took an Egyptian History class way back in college and had been told this was the best collection outside of Cairo. It was still freezing but I enjoyed the trip uptown. The Met is on the East side of Central Park. Several of the rooms open to huge glass expanses that look over the park which was cool. The Egypt exhibit was excellent. There was so much cool stuff. My flickr page has the photoset. We also checked out the Frank Lloyd Wright Exhibit, the musical instrument exhibit and the armor rooms, which were stellar. We spent about 4-5 hours there and barely scratched the surface. I would have to say it might have even been better than the Smithsonian. I'm not sure. That night we decided to drink beer and eat chinese food and watch pay per view. It was very cold on the ferry home and I was glad we were not outside at all.

Day four: Again with the waking up late. Then we went down to Canal Street so I could buy contraband and cheap tchochkes. I bought a very fake Prada purse that I will use with pride. I also got a cool purse with a dragonfly pattern that Steve! thought was hideous but I liked for summer. It was weird being on Canal Street. There were all these shady people going:
"psst! want a rolex?" and then holding open their jackets etc. Lots of people were selling bootleg movies recorded in the movie theater illegally. I totally bought King Kong and Narnia. Picked up some souveniers and went for Cuban food. The retuarant was in NoHo ( which stand for North of Houston, for those of you who don't know.) ((Houston is pronounced HOUSE-ton. Not like the city in Texas.)) Anyway the Cuban restuarant was toally charming, the waiter danced and sang along to all the music like he just couldn't help himself. The food was excellent-- well except for Steve's! oxtail. (What the hell did you expect when you ordered something with the word tail in it?) We drank a whole pitcher of Sangria and I told the waiter that there was no cuban retuarant in San Diego and so he should keep that in mind, for a business opportunity. Is there a cuban restuarant in SD?
Then is was the all important time for us to go and watch Soccer at a Football bar in the East Village. The bar was named Nevada Smiths after some Steve McQueen movie. There were lots of people with accents to listen to which I found charming and they served good beer on tap. And then the Scots entered the picture. meet Colin and Jules, two lovely people from Edinburgh who work in publishing. Jules was very drunk by 7pm on white wine and Colin was unwillingly babysitting her, flirting with me, and arguing about football. So Jules decided to flirt with Steve! much kissing ensued. I was very very amused. Seteve! you are a stud. The evening ended in dancing and karaokee and a cab trip in the freezing sleet coming down where we just managed to make the 1:30 ferry home. Steve! was pretty sleepy in teh cab and very hung over the next day. I feel my greatest accomplishment that night was not getting as drunk as Steve! and keeping Jules from kissing me, or Colin kissing me for that matter.

The resultant hangover Steve! had the next day meant we stayed in and ordered pizza and watched our bootleg version of Narnia. It was very dark, in fact over half the movie was a black screen with just audio. King Kong turned out much better. The pizza was made with fresh dough, and homemade fresh mozzarella, and pepperoni that appeared to have been created straight from heaven. It was good and I will never eat San Diego pizza again.

After the movie I packed and hopped the ferry for my journey to the airport which I made on the subway all by myself without getting lost or getting on the wrong train.

And that was my week last week. I think I'll go back in spring.


Saturday, December 17, 2005

Greater Than the Sum of My Parts

Note to self:

When you ask someone what they like about you, and all the things they like are things related to how you make them feel, remember this:

They don't really like you, they just like what you do for them.

A person who doesn't really appreciate you for the person you are isn't the kind of person who can give you anything or teach you anything. They don't really like you. Let them go. Thanks so much for the late night illumination, I will never make the mistake I made with you again.

I am greater than the sum of my parts and the people who love me know that.

On a side note: working on an update regarding New York. It's going to be long. And lots more interesting than this. Photos are almost updated.


Monday, December 12, 2005

If I can Make It There...

Bugger this for a lark,
I'm off to New York.

Don't wait up suckers.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Michelle's Operating Manual

1. How can I tell if you are angry?
How can you not? I yell, a lot. My anger is like a summer thunder storm, loud and flashy and quickly passing. If I am so mad I cannot yell I leave and come back when I am capable of speaking.

2. How should I behave around you while you are angry?
Yell back. Then when I am done yelling/you are done yelling, talk it out until we have a resolution.

3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? (How is best to comfort you?) Listen to me. I will tell you what I need. It usually involves distractions and hugs.

4. Are there things we should ~not~ discuss?
Nah-- most things are fair game. I will tell you if I don't want to talk about it. But you have to respect that when I say it.

5. How should I treat you if you are physically ill? Leave me alone, except to bring me things I ask for. Remind me to shower so I'll feel better.

6. What makes you happy? (that may be in my power to grant, as a friend?) My important people, sunshine, easy drama free days, my dogs. Life is pretty damn good, and I don't really take it for granted.

7. How would you like for us to recognize your birthday?
Well I tried to make it a National Holiday but aparently you have to "do" something in "service" to your country or some such crap. Come to whatever function I am having and eat cake, call me in the morning so I know you remembered, know that on my birthday I have the right to get whatever I want.

8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Jewlery is always good. I like silver, no yellow gold.
Do not buy me clothes or shoes. I am picky and it makes me feel bad to return gifts.

9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you? The end of winter/early spring. I always feel like I am bursting at the seams to be outside and in the warmth. It makes me restless and impatient.

10. Are there important anniversaries that we should recognize in your life? My birthday, Jan 19th. ( only 42 more shopping days folks)

11. Who are the most important people in your life to whom we should defer when making plans on your behalf? Maria

12. What do you share with others? Whatever they need.

13. What do you NOT share with others? With strangers-- the person I really am. With anyone else, information I think is mundane and boring.

14. How does someone become your friend? Value me as much as I value them.

15. How does someone lose you as a friend? Make me feel like you could care less if you ever talked to me again. If you are more cost than benefit I will do the analysis and that will be that. If you kick my dogs I will kill you.

16. What scares you? That no one will ever love me as much as people who have already been and gone in my life.

17. About what are you most sensitive? Everything. My skin is so thin you can see through it and all my thoughts are visible. I am not fragile, just stupidly sensitive. I just pretend I'm not.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Like a butterfly, the wild butterfly, I will collect you and capture you...

So I'm walking in J.C. Penny's today on my way to the glasses store-- which is entirely financed by me, care of Maggie, the dog who loves to eat my glasses-- and I looked over at the men's dressing room.

Some past person in my life would know what dressing room I am refering to. It is the dressing room where he got distracted by an employee knocking over a rack and then he couldn't, well, you know...
(Sorry Mom, I know you read this.)

Anyway, when I glanced at the dressing room I felt that smile come to my face, the smile I got when I propsed the , ahem, distraction. And I walked on a little bit more swing to my hips and bounce to my step. Really because, for just a second, I felt that dangerous and naughty and "ohmigod we are soooo going to get caught" all over again.

But to complete my trip down memory lane, while in Sephora, I smelled the bottle of Obsession. And there was Bryan in all his, too goth for you glory, right there all wrapped up in the scent. All I needed was the leather smell from his jacket and the cigarette smell from his Camel's and I would have been able to touch him. God, he was beautiful. God, he was an idiot.

Funny how things do that to you. Isn't it?

Despite my grevious boyfriend errors, ( let's be honest I mainly date assholes who treat me like shit even though they are basically good people at heart... ) I am glad I have a collection of sense memories like that.
The sound of breathing in my hair late at night
The smell of cigarettes
The way his chest had that cool concavity that collected the sweat from our bodies
The way they held my hand, or hugged.

Everyone has something good to remember about them. Hopefully I can be the kind of person who leaves more than one good memory.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Yes Neo, you are "the One"

EDIT-- Nevermind at all the of the stuff I wrote below. This guy doesn't do it for me anymore.

So I've never believed in soul mates. I believe that you find a person who has certain traits, that you have fun with, and that you have enough of a communication understanding so you can work out conflicts. And then you go for it. Assuming that there is a physical attraction.

But today I had a date with a man who could theoretically last awhile.

I'll stop short of any sweeping, dramatic pronunciation. But I have never been so dissappointed in a kiss on the cheek, and so excited to see what comes next, at the same time. He makes me want to take it slow becasue I am convinced that will be so much more interesting. No one else has ever made me want that.


Friday, December 02, 2005

Because At Heart We Are All Just Savage Children

I do dumb things when I drink.

Like drive home in the fog at 1 in the morning.

It is holiday season, and nothing was hurt (except my head this morning.)

But I'm officially on a two drink maximum for the rest of the year.

Or I'm afraid that next time I might not be so lucky.

Big sigh. You'd think I would get smarter as I get older.