Friday, January 20, 2006

Accountability

OK--

So in the spirit of my "under construction" year I would finally like to put one goal to bed in 2006.

In 1997 I broke my foot. In 2001 I rebroke it, and again in 2002 and again in 2003. At this point ex-rays show that I have such a huge mass of scar tissue on my right foot that conventional dr.'s cannot discern if it is still broken. Plus I have this super cool bump on my foot. Almost as good as the gnarly scar on my knee. Luckily I also found a great alternative medicine chiroprator who fixed me so I'm not afraid to run down the stairs to get the phone, or jump up and down because I'm excited.

Between breaking my foot and my incredibly long and basically dead end relationship, I managed to put on a lot of weight. Being almost unable to walk for 6 months at a time will do that to you. Plus I eat emotionally. Food is frequently a euphoria inducing drug.

Now, I have lost a huge amount of weight. But I would still like to lose some more. This is not the phantom 10 pounds that most women battle their whole lives. This is about 2 sizes of fat that does my body no good and obscures the absolutely great muscle tone that I have worked to build up.

I'm tired of not being able to see that muscle. I've been literally working on developing it for years and the fact that it remains a suggestion rather than a fact when I flex is severely irritating to me.

It makes me mad when I look in the mirror. I do not like to be upset by things like looking at my naked body in a mirror.

Cerebrally I understand I have a healthy strong body. Vanity wants me to acknowledge that some men find me attractive. But I still get irritated when I look in the mirror.

So -- in an effort to stop being irritated, and to start my 30's having put some of the baggage of my 20's down. I'd like to be a size 8 ( maybe a 6) by the time I hit 30. That translates to a loss of about 10-15 pound of fat. It doesn't translate to weight because to lose that fat I will have to gain some muscle.

More importantly I want arms like Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2 and a stomach like my bellydancing teacher Lucia. I don't think I'm asking too much.

This goal is going to take some persistence and commitment. It is also going to have to be more important than staying up late with cool people, drinking with friends regularly, eating out all the time, and sharing french fries with Maria. So I'm asking all those people with whom I do those activities to understand if I turn down the scond glass of wine, turn in by midnight becasue I get up at 5am, have a salad instead of a burger, and make my best friend eat fries alone.

Can you help me out? This has been going on too long.

M.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Tone Milazzo said...

Boy! You really don't like that foot!

I've got some exercises we can try. I recommend spending at least 45 minutes a day on the Tonemaster.

Giggity-giggity!

11:21 AM  
Blogger neilderbeast said...

You're right: It's important to make sure that your feet are elevated for extended periods of time, and the Tonemaster is an excellent way to do that.

3:24 PM  
Blogger Chelle in San Diego said...

I'm not sure how I feel about your comment Neil. Are you speaking from experience, and if so, with whom?

3:39 PM  

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